June 2006

Reading through a general mailbox at work can be quite tedious, though someone has to do it. You see the same “Out of office autoreply” message over and over again. It goes something like this “I will out of SF until May 12. I will only be checking e-mail occasionally during this time. My administrative assistant can help if you need to reach me. ”

Once in awhile, though, someone decides to break from the ordinary:

I am leaving to go back to my home in North Carolina on May 15. While this is a “working vacation,” I am hoping to indulge in plenty of artery-clogging fried chicken ‘n’ biscuits, which I’ll wash down with a gallon (or two) of fresh-brewed sweet iced tea. When I recover from my fried-chicken-induced food coma, I hope to indulge in some fried (is there any other way?) country ham and grits. I’ll wash that down with iced tea too, even though its breakfast. For lunch, maybe I’ll have some oysters, even though “May” doesn’t have an “r” in it. I’ll wash those down with iced tea also.

On May 24th I will be 5 pounds heavier. And, oh yeah, I’ll be back in Hamilton then too.

If you need to contact me while I’m away, call me on my cell phone. I will be too busy eating to check my E-mail.

I am in the hospital recovering from a broken hip. Until further notice, I shall have very sporadic or no e-mail access. Important messages should be communicated to my wife.

I will be far, far away until January 2nd.


Then there are some messages that come to the general mailbox that don’t make much sense at all, but are amusing, nonetheless:

I am out of office up to April 10, 2006 and I will not check my E-mail. Please apologize.


I’ll check our area for disposable materials and waste and deposit them
in the receiving area.

Dear Ethel:
Thank you so much for the card; it really calls back Plum and even Manhattan Beach, and of course our walks with you! That is the one thing I really miss, but as I said before, the fossils we find prove that we are living on the bottom of a sea if not an ocean. And that is a wonderful thought. Very good wishes, we miss you. T&L


Quiz: How Gay are You?


Then, there is the praise, counterbalanced by the rants:


Unfortunately, most of the real discoveries each year are rejected by main stream science, because their consciousness just isn’t high enough for them to see the truth.


The language with which all biology is written is marvelously complex, and also incredibly specific. Just as scientists must identify the reference to the work of others, how can one can deny that there was an original author of the language with which all biology is written? I believe that nothing happens without God… the most common thing said in heaven will be “Oh, now I see”.

I don’t subscribe to Science because the U.S.A. is the greatest resources’destroier
of our planet.
Without grudge, sincerely your Giuseppe


I think {name omitted} is a bloviating fool, and does grave disservice to Science with
his self-important meddling in National political issues.


If it weren’t for these tiny gems, I’d definitely pull my hair out for having to sort through the complete junk that comes to the catchall address. Hope you enjoy them as well.

Dear god! In the past ten years, I have gone from being the only search result for my name to one in many. In principle, this is not too troubling. But then you find something like this . . .


I am not alone, though I wish I were!